Take Back Your “POWER”!

We’ve looked at so far in my previous blog post 2 aspects (1. Yourself and 2. Life) I had to take back or reclaim to heal as a survivor of domestic violence. In this blog post, I will look at aspect #3 “POWER” that I had to take back as apart of my blog “Take Back “YOURSELF’! blog series.

  1. Yourself
  2. Life
  3. Power
  4. Joy
  5. Peace
  6. Happiness
  7. Self-Worth
  8. Personal Space
  9. Money
  10. Dreams
  11. Love

Power! Power! Power! What is power? Have you as victim and survivor of domestic violence gave away your “power”? Who is exercising power over you as a victim and survivor of domestic violence? How does this person(s) have power over you as victim and survivor of domestic violence? Why are you allowing this person(s) to have power over you? Let talk about taking back your “POWER”.

When I hear the word “power” I often think about the Black Panthers Social Activist Organization that originated in Oakland California during the late 1960s early 1970s that would chat “Power to the People”!  “Power to the People”! Why is so important to for a person to have their on power? What does power mean in the lives of victims and survivor of domestic violence? What does the word power mean?


We can’t talk  about taking back your power with also taking about control. Power and control are used by the abuser to abuse victims of domestic violence. Webster New Dictionary of The English Language New Edition define the words power and control as following:

Power – 1. position of authority; 2. ability to act; 3. one that has power; 4. physical might; and 5. force or enter by used to do work supply with power.

Control – 1. exercise power over; 2. dominate or rule; 3. power to direct or regulate; 3. regulate; 4. restraint; and 5. regulating device


Victims and survivors of domestic violence may give away their power to a significant others or a spouse.


Victims and survivors of domestic violence may give away their power by allowing the abuser to control how they dress; control what they eat;  control how they spend the money they earn; control who they spend their time socially; control who they interact with outside the home such as extended family members, friends, coworkers, church members and control where they worship.


Victims and survivors of domestic violence may give away their power due to a number of reasons  fear, intimidation, low self-esteem, lack of financial resources, lack of housing, lack of transportation, lack of education, a disability, illness, lack of extended family, lack of friends, lack of driver license or the inability to drive,  desire to be loved and cared for; desire to have a family and children, and for the sake of the children.


Victims and survivors of domestic violence give away their power the moment they allow themselves to continue to be abused by their abuser with no consequences. The abuser must have consequences for their actions of abusing their significant other or their spouse. Consequences can come in the form of 1. jail; 2. anger management counseling; 3; court ordered protective order from the court the abused obtains; 4. legal separation;  4. divorce; 5. paying the medical bills of the person the abuser abused; 6. lost of wages; 7. paying child support; 8. lost of custody of children; and 9. a peace bond.

Here are the elements associated with an abuser ascertaining power and control over a victim of domestic violence.

1. Using Intimidation – making her afraid using looks, actions, gestures smashing things, destroying her property, abusing pets and displaying weapons.
2. Using Emotional Abuse – consist of putting her down, making her feel bad about herself, calling her names, making her think she’s crazy, playing mind games. humiliating her and making her guilty.
3. Using Isolation – controlling what she does, who she sees, and talks to, what she reads, where she goes, limiting her outside involvement and using jealousy to justify actions.
4. Minimizing Denying And Blaming – includes making light of the abuse and not taking her concerns about it seriously, saying the abuse didn’t happen, shifting responsibility for abusive behavior and saying she caused it.
5. Using Children – making her feel guilty about the children, using the children to relay messages, using visitation to harass her and threatening to take the children away.
6. Using Male Privilege – encompass making her like a servant, making all the big decisions, and acting like the “master of the castle” being the one to define men’s and women’s roles.
7. Using Economic Abuse – preventing her from getting or keeping a job. making her ask for money, giving her an allowance, taking her money, not letting her know about or have access to family income.
8. Using Coercion And Threats – involves making and/or carrying out threats to do something to hurt her, threatening to leave her, to commit suicide, to report her to welfare, making her drop charges and making her do illegal things.

Victims of domestic violence need to be aware of how their abuser uses power and control to keep them in the cycle of abuse. Victim of domestic violence may began to question their on sanity during their abuse. They may ask themselves questions like Am I crazy? Did I do something wrong that caused my spouse or partner to abuse me? Why is the abuse happening to me? Should I continue to stay with my spouse or partner or leave? These are some of the questions that can come to the mind of a victim of domestic violence.

Please know you are not along and there is help for you. Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) or via the hotline at www.thehotline.org 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Know that God loves you. Love yourself. Take care of yourself. Be well. Be safe.

Thanks for reading my blog post. I hope that you come back for more next time. Feel free to like, share, and leave comments. #purplevision #empower #survive #honor #stopdomesticviolence

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